


Enough

by Awesome_Orange



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, At least the second half, Canon-Typical Trauma Dreams, Canon-Typical Worms (The Magnus Archives), Crying, Except they aren't really there, Hurt/Comfort, Jon and Martin just love each other so much, Jon shows up in Martins dreams, M/M, Nightmares, No beta we die like worms in co2, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), after his statement in s1, first half set in season 1, i don't know how to tag, or at least a hopeful ending, there's a door in the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Orange/pseuds/Awesome_Orange
Summary: After Martin gives his statement about Prentiss Jon starts showing up in his nightmares
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 84





	Enough

Even in sleep Martin doesn’t get a break. The knocking keeps him awake long into the night and when he finally succumbs to exhaustion his dreams are the same as his reality. Consequently, he is thoroughly drained when he gets out, and it’s a miracle he makes it to the Institute. After having taken a moment to catch his breath he makes his statement. Jon lets him stay in the Archives. It’s not ideal, but nothing is ideal when you’re being stalked by supernatural worms, and at least Jon believes him. His first night in document storage he is so overcome with exhaustion and dwindling adrenaline that he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, and his mind is blank until he wakes up the next morning to the sound of Jon arriving at work. For a moment he lets himself hope that the nightmares are over, just like the event itself. The second night he finds they aren’t.

He’s sitting on his couch again. An empty can of peaches sits on his coffee table, next to a long cold, half-drunk mug of tea. He’s in his pyjamas. He had stopped caring about changing clothes two days in. He is staring at the door. Startling at every knock. He jumps, heart racing, each time he thinks he catches a movement out of the corner of his eye. He’s sure he’s still in his apartment and that escaping had been the dream. His attention snaps to his left, as he is sure something just moved in his periphery. He stares. Instead of nothing, as he had expected, or worms, as he had feared, he sees a person. Not just any person. He barely recognises Jon, but it is definitely him. Just a few more eyes than Martin is used to.

Jon doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t speak. He just stares at Martin. Martin goes back to staring at the door. He doesn’t want to. He would much rather look at Jon. But his body moves against his will. Jon stares at Martin. Martin stares at the door. Occasionally, Martin catches a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. Panicking, he turns his head, scanning the room for worms. When the moment comes from the left, he sees Jon instead. Jon stares at him. Martin stares back for as long as the dream allows him. He knows it’s a dream now. That doesn’t ease his terror, but even as he stares at his door, startling at each knock, it is good to know that he is not alone.

////

When Jon and Martin start living in Daisy’s safe house Martin no longer has just the one nightmare. He’s been through too much for a single event to live uncontested in his dreams. It comes around every once in a while, though. After everything that’s happened, he welcomes it as an old friend. He is still scared, but he is used to that particular fear. And Jon is there. And it is infinitely better than the variety of dreams where he has to watch Jon die, or those in which he sits at an unconscious Jon’s bedside, begging him to wake up. But he can manage the nightmares, as long as he gets to wake up next to Jon every morning.

////

When Martin blinks his eyes open it is still dark. The only illumination comes from the moon shining in through the window. For a moment Martin isn’t sure what woke him up, but then he notices that Jon is shaking, body racked with silent sobs. Martin rolls over on his side to face him, and gently places his hand on Jon’s cheek. The shaking stops as Jon tenses for a second before relaxing into the touch. He takes a deep shuddering breath to compose himself before he looks up and meets Martin’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Jon mumbles, his voice groggy from disuse. Of course his first response to crying in the middle of the night was to worry about waking Martin up. Martin wants to grab him by the shoulders and yell at him that he’s allowed to have emotional needs, until he gets it through his thick skull. But he is just as bad himself and knows from experience that it wouldn’t make a difference. Instead, he tenderly wipes a tear off of Jon’s cheek and tells him it’s okay.

“Nightmares?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer. Jon nods.

“I can’t do anything. They are suffering and I just stand there and watch.” Jon’s voice is barely above a whisper, almost as though he’s talking to himself. Martin hears him, though, and he hears the self-hatred in his voice.

“It’s not your fault,” Martin tries to reassure, knowing it won’t really change anything. Jon blames himself and Martin doesn’t know how to make him stop.

“I’m sorry,” Jon whispers again, tears falling down his face once again. “I’m so, so sorry.” He sounds desperate, distraught.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Martin soothes, even as Jon’s flow of desperate apologies continues. 

“It’s not okay,” Jon maintains, “I just stand there and watch, and I can’t help you.”

At the last word Martin feels like he’s been punched. Memories of exactly which dream he’d been having returns to him.

“Jon, no, it’s okay,” he insists, with more urgency this time. They should have probably talked about this sooner. Jon tries to protest, but Martin continues, “you don’t have to do anything, it’s okay. No, listen, okay?” Martin pleads when Jon tries to interrupt, “for the whole time I was trapped in my flat I had nightmares. I barely slept, but when I did my dreams were exactly the same. Then I got out and gave you my statement.” Jon gives him a pained look, regretting what he’d inadvertently put Martin through. “I still had the nightmares, but something was different. You were there. It didn’t matter to me that you just stood there, staring at me. You were there. That was enough. Just knowing that I wasn’t facing it alone. That was enough, Jon. It _is_ enough. Just that you are here, that we’re together. It’s enough.”

When Martin finishes Jon lets out a shaky breath, the corners of his mouth turning up imperceptibly. Martin knows he is still going to blame himself, even for things so very far out of his control. But at least Martin was able to ease his conscience on this once point. For now, that is enough.

“Thank you, Martin,” Jon breaths. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Martin holds Jon until he falls back asleep. They are together, and that is enough.


End file.
